Call them work jerks.
In work-watching porn continuously, they’d save US citizenry from their bureaucratic belligerency - and that US citizenry beleaguered, spied upon, and put out - would have, finally and thankfully, deliverance from governmental incompetency.
The Federal government, however, is considering laws to ban porn watching at work. They should be ashamed of themselves.
The government, not the porn peepers.
Because not only is porn watching a relatively victimless crime, unless your child is mixed up in the scene, it is a pastime that will do less harm to John Q public than if the government, as is its wont, continues to nose and poke around in our affairs. At least this way, in watching porn, they’ll have their hands (and god knows what else) full.
If porn had been invented and the internet constructed, back in 1969, presidential pretender Teddy Kennedy might not have driven his car into the tidal channel off of Chappaquiddick Island late at night and perhaps campaign volunteer Mary Jo Kopechne might be alive today.
If porn were a staple, perhaps horny male TSA employees at the Denver International airport wouldn't cop feels of hunky males’ private parts.
And forget about Hilary Clinton, privately, wiping her server clean, think about this:
if pol-pole man Billy Clinton had had unlimited access to internet porn while governor of Arkansas, and later as president of America, perhaps he may not have indulged so ignorantly with every Toni, Dicki, and Henrietta.
Hilary would not have felt so put out by Bill getting off with Monica and Gennifer - the two affairs he admits to - that she might not have indulged her frightening fantasy to be President of the US of A.
If government-types got jollies from siliconed and sweaty bodies, perhaps, just perhaps, they wouldn't have come up with a mind-numbingly dumb, offensive, diagnosis like the one that called Malik Hasan's Fort Hood slaughter: a case of "workplace violence."
They won't, if they work at the IRS, target you because they don't like who you associate with. They’d be too busy figuring out how to target their favorite porn stars for follow up phone-sex.
If porn were a reality the FBI forensics unit - or 26 of its 28 experts - would not have unrealistically, possibly criminally, matched hair samples in criminal court cases to the favor of prosecutors.
If President Obama had no lines of decency, and watched porn constantly, he wouldn't have, as he did recently, drawn a red line when Syria threatened to chemicalize its citizens, then atrociously, ignored that same redline when Syrians got the governmental gas.
Secret Service and Drug Enforcement Administration sleaze balls could have had a ball with a perpetual porn parade instead of embarrassing Uncle Sam, what with these stiffs trying to short change hard working, donned in tights, Colombian putanas, ladies of the night.
Instead of frenzied lending, Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac workers could partake in frenzied grinding - to porn - instead of rubber stamping HUGELY risky loans to those with solvency shortcomings.
If porn were available for teachers
they wouldn't have to do such a lousy job of instructing our kids (or making passes at them.) And, specifically and recently, Atlanta’s 11 teachers, administrators, and principal found guilty of cheating, by inflating kids’ test scores, may have instead, lived honest, if somewhat seedy and sordid lives.
If Detroit municipal employees could have filled their plate with porn, they wouldn't have had time to fill the slate with their ruinous policies, and wreck the Motor City, thus emptying the town out.
Remember John Beale? He was the EPA employee who pretended he was a CIA employee. Perhaps if he had watched porn, where nothing is left to the imagination, he would have not fired up his hokey imagination and defrauded the EPA of nearly $900,000 in unearned pay.
Back to Barack. If he dealt with his fantasies via porn, he wouldn't harbor the farcical fantasies of striking an honest, measurable nuclear deal with Iran or of trying to persuade courts of his inimical idea to have illegal aliens take over the States.
If Obama's minions had been busy observing bawdy bodies they wouldn't have had the time to convince their boss to awfully trade five Taliban leaders for army deserter and fly-by-nighty Bowe Bergdahl.
If Illinois governors such as Rod Blagojevich, George Ryan, and Otto Kerner had indulged themselves with sex on screen they might have refrained from indulging in non-clean crimes of corruption, perjury, and fraud. (Though, ironically-happily??? they may be receiving real live porn pokes and feeds in jail!)
And if Anthony Weiner...forget Anthony - that guy’s already up to the bottom of his unzipped fly with his own hanky panky, porn-packaged, perverted-penis, wiener promotion system...
Let’s face facts. Even if we think having our government workers watch porn Monday to Friday is terrible, it’s not like we can do anything about it. They can’t be removed from their jobs. It is virtually impossible to axe (figuratively) a shirker from employ.
And whether it is boredom causing the day long porn-peek fests - of the feds, by the feds, and for the feds - or rather it is simply an act of these aardvarks to "act out" as a lark - is of no import.
if these folks who work in government were properly functioning people, they wouldn’t be working for the government in the first place.
So, to save the American citizenry from desultory public servants’ freedom-infringing activities - the porn show must go on!